It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
