just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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