You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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