you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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