I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
its liver damage thursday
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
