You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
