Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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