Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
