So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
