hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
