I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
