Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
