I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
