My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
