So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
