Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
