oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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