never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
