Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
