Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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