i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
