her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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