he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
