I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
