it was like fucking gandolphs beard
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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