i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
