if you like me you must not know who I am
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
