hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize