I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
