You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
