Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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