by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
