oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
