My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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