i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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