god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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