How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
