In the future we'll all be gay
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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