oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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