Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize