Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
