remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We have started to decorate penises.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
