I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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