I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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