the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
