almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
