Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
