I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
