that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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