it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
