I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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