I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
